In fewer than two weeks, American Olympians will parade through the Olympic Stadium in London in Ralph Lauren-designed red, white, and blue uniforms made in China. That communists made our Olympic uniforms bunched up several American politicians’ knickers the past few weeks. A patriotic nation like America should send its warriors, I mean athletes, into battle in garb made by the hands of their countrymen, the politicians shouted, especially when said patriotic nation has 8 percent unemployment.
I am conflicted. One part of me thinks this whole made in America argument is ludicrous. China is my official outfitter five days per week. The other two days I am a nudist. TMI? NAH. The other part of me questions why Bravo or some other reality whore network didn’t create a show where contestants competed to make American Olympic uniforms out of silly string, whip cream, and duct tape. It’s un-American not to turn everything into a reality TV famewhore event – especially when the alternative is a fashion atrocity that recalls sportswear for France’s 1 percenters.
America’s uproar about its Olympics jerseys mirrors other countries, such as Spain, that outsourced their Olympic uniform design or manufacturing. You see? America isn’t even unique when it comes to bitching about Olympic uniforms. I can’t wait for HBO’s The Newsroom to inject a 10-minute rant about this into one of its future episodes.