This is the 12th installment of Cajun Tomato’s NYC 100, a daily series chronicling my experiences and observations as a new New Yorker.
A few Saturdays ago I was sitting in a bar in Williamsburg when a skinny man of Dominican descent entered wearing a sleeveless, chicken noodle-colored shirt that failed to reach his belly button. A black camera with a pricey-looking lens hung near his waist. Perhaps he fashioned himself a bohemian photographer. What I do know is he didn’t appear the least bit bothered his shirt was fit for sale in the kids’ section at a neighborhood thrift store.
They’re everywhere in Williamsburg, like ironic cockroaches convinced granny glasses, scrotum-hugging jeans, and midriff-revealing T-shirts will live on after the apocalypse. Their conversations are like their outfits – ironic, devoid of taste, and loaded with cancerous levels of pretension.
While I lived in Portland there was always noise about Brooklyn, particularly Williamsburg, being its main competition for the mythical title of America’s Hipster Capital.
So where do I stand on Portland vs Williamsburg in the ultimate slap fight of hipsters?
It will take a lot more than a man in a T-shirt that reveals his navel to convince me Williamsburg has Portland beat in the hipster department.
I need to see more ugly, faux artistic neck tattoos. I need to see masses of cult-like bicyclists, who refuse to admit Henry Ford existed. I need to see more people pounding Miller High Life like it’s the fucking champagne of beers, ya know because it is. I need to see more girls walking around in trash chic outfits that negatively impact their hotness score, looking like they could give two shits about your 0-10 scale.
I know there are scores of people in Williamsburg trying their asses off to look like they’re not trying their asses off. I accept that. But they’re going to have to try a hell of a lot harder to not look like they’re trying a hell of a lot harder if they want to overtake Portland as America’s Hipster Capital.
Cajun Tomato’s NYC 100 returns this evening with a tale about “African Martial Arts” as told on the subway by a REALLY LOUD man, who was NOT a Nation of Islam member.