Cajun Tomato’s NYC 100: “Naked Cowgirl”

December 28, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Naked Cowgirl and her fans

This is the 21st edition of Cajun Tomato’s NYC 100, a periodic glimpse into New York City seen through the eyes of a new New Yorker, yours truly. Click here for past installments.

New Yorkers will do anything, literally anything, to make a buck. Witness a Naked Cowgirl in a bikini on a 35-degree night last week near Times Square. I have no idea whether she is affiliated with the Naked Cowboy, but she looks a hell of a lot better in her patriotic outfit. Here’s hoping she doesn’t get sick standing out in the cold. Tourists to the city need a little Naked Cowgirl to thaw them out.

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Guest Blog: What I Learned Volunteering In Hurricane Sandy’s Aftermath

November 28, 2012 By 1 Comment

Today my journalist friend Brett Schweinberg shares his experience volunteering in Hurricane Sandy’s aftermath on Staten Island. It’s been a month since Sandy hit. Many people in the area Brett visited remain in need. Learn how you can help here.

I journeyed to Staten Island in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy feeling uneasy about my reasons for the trip. The plan called for two neighbors and I to drive from Chicago on Friday night after work, volunteer on Saturday and Sunday, and drive through the night Sunday to get home in time for work on Monday.

On the 13-hour car ride in, my travel companions and I wondered aloud whether the money we were spending on gas and lodging would be better spent through any of the dozens of organizations collecting for the relief effort. I feared a shameful sort of voyeurism drove my desire to volunteer as much as a true desire to help.
Between the thrill of participating in a relief mission, the fun associated with driving halfway across the country and the incessant praise I received from friends and family, I worried I might be gaining too much from what was supposedly a selfless act.

What I found once I arrived in Staten Island erased my doubts.

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Filed Under: Journalism, Musings, NYC, World Affairs Tagged With: , , , ,

Manti Te’o for Heisman: Why The Numbers Don’t Add Up

November 28, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Manti Te'o/US Presswire

All praise/blame for this post should go to Jordy Pujol, the anti-Bayless.

ESPN carnival barker/used car salesman/white devil Skip Bayless pissed in the wind Tuesday to the contrived, shit-starting tune of Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te’o for Heisman. Bayless is famous for taking contrarian viewpoints, and generally being a pompous, arrogant, spineless piece of shit. His latest piece, I must admit, floored me. He is capable of talking about someone besides LeBron James or Tim Tebow, I learned.

Other than this revelation, Bayless’s Te’o piece followed the same cookie-cutter theme as all his arguments – a lot of bluster and precious little substance. Bayless proclaimed Te’o a deserving Heisman winner but also anointed himself head of the Johnny Football fan club. Johnny Football, for the uninitiated, is Texas A&M Johnny Manziel, believed to be Teo’s chief competition for the Heisman.

Truth is, talk of a Te’o Heisman is laughable – whether or not it comes from Bayless’s well-manicured fingers or anyone else. Te’o Heisman talk has gathered steam for two reasons: A) Te’o plays for Notre Dame, a traditional power in the midst of a national championship run; and B) Notre Dame is 12-0 and ranked No. 1 in the country. Some would argue the Heisman should be awarded to the best player on the best team. I am not one of those people. If anything, talk of Te’o, as Heisman winner, reflects on the dearth of quality candidates this season, Manziel excluded.

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Filed Under: College football, Football, Sports, World Affairs Tagged With: , , , , ,

An Open Letter To My Republican Friends

November 7, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Election Day Tomato!

I wrote this open letter to my Republican friends to let them know it would all be OK.

Dear Republican friends,
I know today feels like the death of America and the end of the world all rolled into one. I’ve read your Facebook posts and tweets. Your guy lost. I get it. Now President Obama’s going to fulfill his nefarious plan to make America a socialist country, take away your guns, let immigrants run wild picking all manner of crops, and bankrupt us all. Hell, he’ll probably fulfill a portion of his plan while smoking a doobie and reading the Koran during a same-sex marriage ceremony in the Oval Office. We are surely going to hell in a hand basket.

This is fantasy though. Star Wars VII, that’s reality.

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Cajun Tomato’s NYC 100: “A Surreal Storm”

October 30, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Wash Heights' silent streets

This is the 17th installment of Cajun Tomato’s NYC 100, a daily series chronicling my experiences and observations as a new New Yorker. Click here to read more about my “Frankenstorm” experiences.

This morning I’d consider Hurricane Sandy a dud if I had no TV or Internet. The so-called “Frankenstorm” delivered a minimal amount of mayhem in Washington Heights, the neighborhood I live in on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I waited 16 hours for a jarring wind gust or buckets of rain to alert me a serious weather event had arrived. None came. My apartment never lost power, unlike millions of Americans along the Atlantic coast. The lights flickered two or three times. It was all painless, distant.

Ironically, I know Sandy rocked the East Coast because I have power, and thus TV and Internet. I watched video of rising waters in lower Manhattan, Brooklyn, and New Jersey. I also witnessed a collapsed four-story apartment building on the news. People across the country saw these same images Monday. The images were real, though they seemed otherwise.

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Cajun Tomato’s NYC 100: “Frankenstorm”

October 26, 2012 By 1 Comment

Frankenstorm?

This is the 13th installment of Cajun Tomato’s NYC 100, a daily series chronicling my experiences and observations as a new New Yorker. I am using the term “daily” loosely, I admit.

The first time I saw the phrase “Frankenstorm” I thought the media was referring to former “Saturday Night Live” funnyman and current U.S. Sen. Al Franken. Like, Al Franken had whipped up a ruckus about someone or something. It seemed like a New York Post-style phrase. This is how my mind works. I was wrong of course.

When I learned “Frankenstorm” referred to the convergence of a hurricane with an arctic blast, and therefore was unrelated to the senator, I laughed. I might have yawned too. I’ll leave the freakout to New Yorkers.

As a south Louisiana native who has weathered more hurricanes than I can count, I find it hilarious how New Yorkers are bugging out about the so-called “Frankenstorm”. To them, it’s like the Zombie Apocalypse meets The Perfect Storm.

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Haiku poetry: “Mitt’s a pacifist”

October 23, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Mitt’s a pacifist
What a hilarious joke
Funny but not true

Hawks don’t become doves
Not in one debate, at least
That’s some magic trick

Mitt’s no magician
He’s a damn used car salesman
Selling past failures

History will repeat
Mitt will answer the hawks’ cry
I want an answer

Why $2 trillion more
On our military spending
Talk does not come cheap?

Filed Under: Poetry, World Affairs Tagged With: , , ,

TMZ Pronounces “Cajun Justice” Dead

July 30, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Disgraced King Vernon Bourgeois

TMZ is the Grim Reaper of gossip sites, having broken news of the deaths of Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, and Heath Ledger. On Monday, the site reported the (timely) demise of the A&E reality show “Cajun Justice.” When TMZ reports you’re dead, you’re dead. However, that last death announcement should come with an asterisk. Media reports out of south Louisiana have said for months that Terrebonne Parish’s new sheriff, Jerry Larpenter, would not let his deputies participate in the show, once he took office. Thus, TMZ’s report comes as no surprise.

Former Sheriff Vernon Bourgeois’ lasting legacy will be inspiring TMZ to take a crap on the bloated carcass of his agency’s “reality” show. That and mismanaging the department’s money to the point Larpenter had to lay off deputies to make up for Bourgeois’ fiscally irresponsible behavior. Vernon Bourgeois, take a bow. You’re king no more. Love live the greedy, starry-eyed, simple-minded Cajun sheriff king!

I wrote about my misgivings with “Cajun Justice” months ago. Nothing’s changed. I only saw bits and pieces of episodes, but what I observed made me hang my head in shame. Bourgeois should have resigned for reasons explained here but I am relieved knowing he can no longer embarrass his agency, his culture, or himself with a second season of this garbage.

Filed Under: Television, Thibodaux, World Affairs Tagged With: , , , ,

A Checkpoint For The Fringe NOLA Crowd

July 29, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Laura McKnight's stomping grounds

NOTE: I incorrectly labeled Laura McKnight’s post on the Hubig’s Pies fire as her Cajun Tomato writing debut. It was not. I glanced through my archives and neglected this post that originally ran March 20, 2011. When I switched host servers earlier this year the link to this Checkpoint Charlie’s ode was broken, and the post disappeared from the site. Here it is again in all its glory.

By Laura McKnight
Cajun Tomato Correspondent

NEW ORLEANS – As I scribble the notes for this, my heart is working overtime trying to pump greasy beef through my veins. The Cajun Burger from my Laundromat is delicious, but loaded with grease. It’s the kind of grease that trickles out of the meat patty with each bite and dribbles onto jean shorts, staining them.

At this Laundromat, which also happens to be a bar, I could probably just take my shorts off, throw them in the nearest washing machine and chill in my panties with few stares, much less objections. One of my college professors told me he spent part of a rainy Mardi Gras here, buck naked, waiting for clothes to dry.

Stains aside, that burger did nothing good for my physical constitution. Likewise, spending regular laundry sessions at this place, known as Checkpoint Charlie’s, is likely not advisable for healthy living. But it’s fun and my clothes need washing, so I come here anyway. That’s how we roll here in South Louisiana.

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Filed Under: Food, Journalism, Laura McKnight, World Affairs Tagged With: , , ,

Grieving Pies I Never Ate: Reflections On The Fiery Loss Of Hubig’s Pies

July 28, 2012 By 6 Comments

Smoke yo sorrows away!

NOTE: It’s an exciting day on this site. The Olympics have started … I mean, my friend Laura McKnight penned her first piece for this site, and it’s a good one. Laura wrote about New Orleans institution Hubig’s Pies burning down in the early morning hours on Friday near her house. She also provided photos. Talented lady, that Laura McKnight.

I’m a pretty big fan of most South Louisiana specialties – crawfish, Abita beer, Zapp’s potato chips, king cake, Bourgeois beef jerky, etc., etc. – but there are a few things that make me feel like a traitor to my roots: I rather my coffee without chicory, I’m ambivalent about oysters, and I’m pretty sure I have never in my life eaten a sugar-glazed Hubig’s Pie.

That’s right. I have never eaten a Hubig’s Pie, not even with the factory sitting on the next block from my house. I walk past that factory almost every day, often multiple times a day, sometimes catching a whiff of fried sweetness in the air, and I have not tasted one. They just never tempted me, not even with the happy little baker man smiling at me from the front of the bags.

So I don’t even know if I like Hubig’s Pies. But I like the idea of Hubig’s Pies. I dig the happy retro logo, I dig the fried-ness, and I really like living on a block nestled between a cheerful pie factory and the Lost Love Lounge. There’s a metaphor for my life somewhere in that.

A little background for the unfamiliar, and some would say unfortunate: Hubig’s is one of those uniquely New Orleans/South Louisiana icons like K&B, Mr. Bingle, the Special Man on the Frankie and Johnny’s commercials. Hubig’s history in New Orleans goes back to 1921, the factory on Dauphine Street to 1924. Flappers were eating these pies while doing the Charleston.

And like anything uniquely New Orleans, especially anything retro that can be screen-printed onto a T-shirt or made into a group Mardi Gras costume, Hubig’s has a fiercely loyal following. I mean diehard fierce, as in this fire at the pie factory is nothing short of a catastrophe.

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Filed Under: Food, Laura McKnight, Photos, World Affairs Tagged With: , , , , ,
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