"Jersey Shore" — Season 4, Episode 10

No. I don't have photos of Deena's kooka.

Depending on your perspective, MTV’s “Jersey Shore” has either had its occasional low points or been one continuous low point. I am an unabashed fan of the show, and thus I would say it has had occasional low points, most of which were caused by Ronnie and Sammi “Nada Sweetheart”‘s constant bickering in Seasons 2 and 3.

Episode 10 featured the lowest moment in series history, in my humble opinion, and it had nothing to do with the castmates. It involved MTV’s decision to splice a Beavis and Butthead promo into a conversation Vinny had with his family.

I wanted to throat-punch MTV executives and claw my eyes out. Simultaneously. What in the name of Deena’s flea-bitten kooka were they trying to pull with that one?

I will leave that question unanswered. Besides revealing MTV’s utter contempt for its “Jersey Shore” audience, Episode 10 showed broken-hearted Snooki, in what has become one of Season 4’s main plotlines, lashing out at Snitchuation and trying to make up with her boyfriend, Lil Jionni.

– Let’s start at the end: Lil Jionni gave Snooki a second chance despite learning she hooked up with Vinny like an hour or two after breaking up with Lil Jionni. The move came as a surprise because Lil Jionni obviously cannot stand Snooki’s Pee Wee Herman-esque antics. My roommate Ben “The Machine” regarded Lil Jionni’s move as less of an upset though because, and this is key, Lil Jionni would be a fool to break up with Snooki right now. She is the guidette who laid the golden egg. Stick with her and spend her money and enjoy yourself, young guido!

— Snooki’s me-centric behavior in the past few episodes has been off-putting, to say the least. Her treatment of J-Woww would have gotten her stomped already if J-Woww did not subconsciously feel bad for Snooki being an overbronzed Lilliputian. Unrelated note: I doubt J-Woww would have a clue what Lilliputian means. Hint: It’s sort of like a Meatball but not. Snooki is sort of like a good friend but not. She wants everyone to bow down to her tyrannical behavior. Her brief conversations with her scrotum-less father shed light into why she treats others as objects to be bossed around.

— I could see fans of “Jersey Shore” being 50-50 on Snooki this season. Some would empathize with her because Lil Jionni has treated her questionably. For others, her likeability has taken several hits this season — not the least of which happened when she jumped into Vinny’s bed in Episode 9. I view Snooki as the least likeable castmate this season outside of Snitchuation. She has spent half the season crying and the other half bitching. She is an unintelligent brat and a sleazebag.

— Speaking of Snitchuation, it appears he is still suffering from the effects of his concussion from earlier in the season. How else do you explain him starting a ludicrous lie that his friend, The Unit, is calling Lil Jionni to say Snitchuation and Snooki hooked up? Absolutely ludicrous. Snooki, rightfully, goes berserk. The fact she trusted that ab-obsessed weasel in the first place shows how vapid she is. PS: What’s up with Snitchuation’s friend calling himself The Unit? What’s up with guidos and ridiculous, self-fellating nicknames? Guidos will be guidos, I guess.

— Snitchuation occasionally comes up with a decent line. Episode 10’s example came when he mentioned how Snooki had gone from 4-foot-9 to 2-foot-9 when they previously hooked up. Not subtle, but then again Snitchuation probably does not know the meaning of the word. If Snitchuation is telling the truth, then Snooki cheated on Lil Jionni with three castmates. That’s got to be pretty close to a reality show record for how many times a castmate with an off-screen boyfriend/girlfriend hooked up with other castmates.

— Kudos to Deena/Snooki for having early onset dementia when it comes to remembering whether they did the sex thing with other people. I am sure advocates for sexual assault victims would shake their heads if they heard Deena and Snooki struggling to recall their blackout smooshcapades.

— Good for Vinny meeting his family in Sicily. He is now a made man (or not). While this trip marked a milestone in his life, it did not necessarily make for compelling television when viewed opposite the guidettes trip to the vineyard. While there, Snooki’s behavior was petulant, rude, and tasteless. But what else is new? This is officially the piss on Snooki recap special. Ugh! That sounded kinky. She would probably like it.

— No dancing in this episode! What is going on?

— Also: Sammi “Nada Sweetheart” and Ronnie appear to be together again. Is it really different this time? Have they found a way to reduce the toxicity in the air when they are in the same room? Or has MTV chosen to ignore them and focus on Snooki’s meltdown? I am cool with whatever MTV decides to do as long as IT NEVER SHOWS BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD IN THE MIDDLE OF “JERSEY SHORE” AGAIN! (Breathe 1, 2, 3 …. )

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