Tag Archives: Snitchuation

“Jersey Shore” — Season 5, Episode 4

Same Shore, Different Season

If only I had known Danny was looking for a new housemate …

I could have been the first ghost guido. No tan, no gym, no laundry. I would have shaken the house up. Alas, I did not see the “Help Wanted” sign.

Maybe next summer!

Click below for my thoughts on Episode 4.
Continue reading

“Jersey Shore” — Season 5, Episode 3

Same Shore, Different Season

Depending on whether you take I-9 North or Garden State Parkway North, Seaside Heights, N.J., is either 58 or 63 miles from Staten Island, N.Y., according to mapquest.com.

I mention this because on last week’s “Jersey Shore” — I just watched it tonight because I just broke free from a “Dexter” marathon — the housemates moped about the departure of everyone’s BFF, Vinny, in a manner that made it seem like he moved across the globe.

Thing is he only went 90 minutes away, tops. Rumor has it one guido can see another guido fist pump from that distance, if they have the right amount of gel in their hair and at least one guidette in the club is DTF. Rumor also has it Pauly D’s blowout was the first visible from space, but I digress.

Vinny’s departure from the show amid anxiety issues, while likely a short-lived hiatus, provided some much-needed drama to a house low on surprises as Season 5 started. There are only so many times Snooki can fall down, Deena can expose her kooka and Snitchuation can be Snitchuation before it gets tiresome.

There are only so many times I can write about “Jersey Shore” before … nah, it will continue to be awesome. Cab’s here!

Continue reading

“Jersey Shore” Is Back — That Can Only Mean One Thing

Deena’s cooka. Deena’s kooka. Deena’s cooka pictures uncensored.

People entered those gag-worthy terms into a search engine and ended up at the Cajun Tomato this week. I know this all-important knowledge thanks to WordPress analytics.

“Jersey Shore” — I typed “Jersey Shire” before correcting myself — is back with its fifth season Thursday night on MTV. Can you imagine Bilbo Baggins at the Shore? Or Snooki and Deena at the Shire? I digress.

I don’t know what “Jersey Shore” means to you — maybe it is guilt, maybe it is disgust, maybe it is meatball lust. For me, it means the aforementioned search items related to Deena’s vajayjay are going to cause my page views to shoot up like a Jersey hooker.

Continue reading

"Jersey Shore" — Season 4, Episode 11

No. I don't have photos of Deena's kooka.

You’re welcome, Italy.

For all the ‘roided out aggression.

For all the overexposed meatball kookas.

For showing you the difference between hookers and Jersey.

You have seen the best guidos and guidettes our fine Shore had to offer. You will never see an Orange Dream Team like this again. Until, um, next Thursday night. Best Reality TV Night of My Life!

Continue reading

"Jersey Shore" — Season 4, Episode 10

No. I don't have photos of Deena's kooka.

Depending on your perspective, MTV’s “Jersey Shore” has either had its occasional low points or been one continuous low point. I am an unabashed fan of the show, and thus I would say it has had occasional low points, most of which were caused by Ronnie and Sammi “Nada Sweetheart”‘s constant bickering in Seasons 2 and 3.

Episode 10 featured the lowest moment in series history, in my humble opinion, and it had nothing to do with the castmates. It involved MTV’s decision to splice a Beavis and Butthead promo into a conversation Vinny had with his family.

I wanted to throat-punch MTV executives and claw my eyes out. Simultaneously. What in the name of Deena’s flea-bitten kooka were they trying to pull with that one?

I will leave that question unanswered. Besides revealing MTV’s utter contempt for its “Jersey Shore” audience, Episode 10 showed broken-hearted Snooki, in what has become one of Season 4’s main plotlines, lashing out at Snitchuation and trying to make up with her boyfriend, Lil Jionni.

Continue reading

"Jersey Shore" — Season 4, Episode 9

No. I don't have photos of Deena's kooka.

Ahhhhhh. So that’s what a kooka-free “Jersey Shore” episode looks like. I had forgotten.

The theme of Episode 9 was less kooka, more ugly tears. There was a pregnancy scare, bad dancing at imitation Karma, and a surprise rebound hookup at episode’s close.

It’s all leading up to an inglorious conclusion four episodes from now, I am sure. What will I do with myself once the season ends? Must. Not. Think. About. This! (slow tear)

Italian-style Guido Super Party in 3, 2, 1 ….

Continue reading