U.S. Senator David Vitter (R-La.) promises not to suck as bad as Bobby Jindal once elected governor, and we wholeheartedly believe and support him in his quest to, uh, not suck.
There. I just gave you the Cliff’s Notes version of the Times-Picayune’s second endorsement of Vitter’s Louisiana gubernatorial bid – an editorial encore that calls into question whether this once vaunted New Orleans institution should be entrusted to pontificate about anything more substantive than the Saints’ desperate need to fire defensive coordinator Rob Ryan. (He still has a job?!)
For the record: Bobby Jindal sucked so hard and so long he damn near sucked Louisiana dry. The state faces an estimated $1.6-billion budget deficit, its public universities and healthcare system are in shambles due to endless cuts, and, still somehow, this bird-chested buffoon has the audacity to continue running for president, even as he polls at less than one percent, because he’ll be damned if his Jesus didn’t tell him to leave Baton Rouge in ruins to prepare us all for the end times.
David Vitter, according to the Times-Picayune’s second endorsement, basically promised he would be the anti-Jindal this campaign season – no more “rainy day funds” balancing the state’s budget, no more automatic budget protections for all items except education and health care, no more ceaseless campaigning for president from our governor. I’ll give him the last one. He won’t be kissing babies in Iowa. What mother would let this nasal-voiced pig kiss their baby anyway?
Casual political observers know Vitter for one thing – and it’s not his tenacity or political acumen, as the Times-Picayune would have readers believe. Vitter paid for sex while “serving” the people of Louisiana in Washington, D.C. His opponent, John Bel Edwards, has accused then-U.S. Rep. Vitter of calling an escort minutes before missing a vote in 2001 to honor 28 service members killed in Desert Storm. Who knows if a thirst for worldly pleasure is why Vitter missed the vote? Truth is, he has missed a lot of votes – more than four times the average senator, according to GovTrack.
The Times-Picayune suggests Vitter is a leader in the Senate thanks to the Water Resources Bill he co-sponsored with California Democrat Barbara Boxer. This is a phenomenal case of cherry picking. In fact, Vitter is one of the worst Republican senators when it comes to bi-partisan sponsorship of his bills, and, while he led Republicans in 2014 with 85 sponsored bills, only one became law, according to his 2014 report card on GovTrack. Vitter also voted against all eight transparency bills that came up in the Senate last year.
I mention this last point because Vitter is not transparent about anything – his prostitute scandal, his campaign finance director’s ties to a super PAC supporting him, or why he paid a private Dallas-based investigative firm six figures to snoop around on people with connections to his opponent.
Vitter’s word is worth less than a soggy newspaper in the digital age. And yet, the Times-Picayune played the role of ink-stained cheerleader, publishing the kind of fangirl love letter that would make even Vitter blush. Normally he has to pay for that type of flattery. Cash changing hands or no, the unwritten headline of a Vitter gubernatorial victory will be, “Louisiana: It sucks to be us.”
For more good times read my reaction to the Times-Picayune’s first Vitter endorsement.